I used to love journaling, and it feels good to do it again. Now that I'm a bit older and wiser, it will be so helpful to get my thoughts out from swirling around in my head and down on "paper" where I can see them clearly. Being a mom can be so confusing, and just trying to be a good wife and a godly woman are very challenging. Adam is my best friend and an excellent listener, but God bless him he just doesn't need to be subjected to all my crazy thoughts and odd wonderings.
Right now one of the biggest things in my life is my spiritual growth. We've been watching a video series in church on the Blessed Life that's all about tithing. I've always had the feeling that God understands how tight money is and would understand that I don't have anything extra after bills and groceries. (And sometimes not even enough for those!) But I've been really challenged by the fact that none of it is mine to begin with, and that He has already blessed me with so much and just the ability to get by and do what I love to do while being home with Cole still. For Him to give me all that He has and for me to not want to give even a small part of that back to take care of His 'wife,' the church, is so wrong of me. I'm also intruiged by the verse that says that we can actually challenge God by tithing to bless us... I'm not sure how much more I can be blessed, but I'd love to see it! (This is after agonizing over the difference between faithfully challenging God in a scripturally based way and giving out of expecting something back, which I don't think God values.)
Another biggie is Cole's move into a "big boy bed." It's really just his crib with a guard rail instead of the front full rail, but it's still a big change! I'm not sure he's old enough to roam free in his room, but it's the only solution to him climbing out of his crib and pack n'play. He's fine if we rock him to sleep, but he's been waking up during the night. We try rocking him back to sleep, but the past few nights he stayed up for at least 3 hours, crying when we tried to leave his room. Now, I want to parent out of love. I don't handle him crying very well. But he needs his sleep, and he needs to be able to sleep through the night. I've heard several comments from other moms that really rubbed me the wrong way. One mom commented that she was always willing to give her kids what they needed, instead of my tactic of letting him cry it out. Another mom said that she gives her daughter more parenting to sleep. I think what bothers me the most of these comments is that I'm letting these women make me second guess my own parenting. They're great moms with wonderful kids, but Cole is his own person and I think I know him pretty well by now. We've gone through a few periods when he had to cry it out in his crib, and he used to sleep like a champ. He needed it to teach him that night time is not play time, and sometimes he just gets too over tired and needs to fall asleep on his own. Letting him cry in his crib for a few minutes was always better than trying to hold him while he squirmed and fussed and tried to act out due to being over tired. What I need now is a game plan with Adam and lots and lots of support and encouragement.
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1 comment:
Wow! So much here! :)
First, I want to say how exciting it is that you're being challenged about tithing. I'm encouraged and challenged, too, by your responses and I hope God continues to work in this area of your life and of your marriage.
Second, I don't always agree with all of those mamas, and I don't think you should worry too much about what they said. And, if Cole needs to cry it out to learn what he needs to learn, you aren't holding out on him at all! I didn't comment about it before because we haven't been through the big boy bed transition yet, but I think it's much the same as the crib by himself. It's a new, sometimes scary thing, that needs to be dealt with out of love for your son. But that doesn't always mean going in to "save" him. If it feels like you're miserable with that method, don't do it. But if you feel good about it (other than the fact that no mama likes to hear her little one cry...or, let's face it, lose sleep herself), stick to your guns. I'm still of the opinion that you're the mama and you know best. Especially and primarily when it comes to your own son. Stay strong and call me if you want to vent. :)
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