LOOKING AT MOTHERHOOD TOGETHER

So let's explore this journey of motherhood together. How's about a little Q & A Time? Hope you're up for it! Just 10 questions & a little inventory with friends.

(From http://theblessingsofmoderndomestication.blogspot.com/ thanks Rebecca!)

Ok if you want to participate... here's how this works:
1. Blog your answers (cut & paste the questions below with YOUR answers to the questions)

2. Link back here by mentioning http://aecmurphy.blogspot.com/ and link back to me.

3. If you want, you can grab the Linky BlogHop code and paste it into your blog HTML, so others can join.

4. Enter the link for your post into the Linky.



1.) What is one thing you wish someone had told you about being a mom?
First, that it's insanely difficult and you basically lose your freedom and sanity... second, that it gets better. :-)

2. What is the most embarrassing thing you’ve experienced as a mother?
Cole acting out in new bigger, badder ways now that he's 2. Where did my mildly naughty infant go??

3. What's been your lowest point?
The initial postpartum depression was really hard because I didn't recognize it, though Cole locking me out of the house one day was probably my biggest scare.

4. What's been the most rewarding?
I get these brief moments where Cole just looks at me and smiles- those are worth anything!

5. Describe a mommy moment that transformed you so much so, you will never forget it nor are you the same since?
Feeling that slippery, wiggly thing come out and meeting my son... crying tears of joy with my husband... that moment was indescribably beautiful.

6. Are you more relaxed or paranoid since becoming a mother?
I got more paranoid with big fears, but Cole is patiently teaching me to let go and go with the flow.

7. Did you plan on becoming a mother or were you taken by surprise?
We planned it.

8. Were [or are] you close with your mom?
Yes, though being so close physically with her down the road has it's ups and downs!

9. What family tradition do you want to pass down?
Praying before leaving for school is a big one, along with rocking music on birthday/holiday mornings. (Alleluia Chorus on Easter morning was awesome!)

10. If you could start over, what would you do differently?
I think Cole and I are getting closer and closer now that he can do more and express himself, we're both less frustrated and learning each other. I just wish it had started out that way.


Comments always welcome but I hope you'll link up :-)
Linky will be open for the rest of the week so you can link up anytime this week!

All about Adam

So let me take a moment to explain what a fantastic husband I have, and what is going on re him at the moment. First of all, we met country line dancing, he had a Jeep and an English mastiff and was the coolest guy I'd ever met. We hit it off talking and have basically been incredibly nerdy together ever since. He's amazing- he's patient when I'm ready to lose it, he's surprisingly sensitive, he's so smart and handy with just about anything he comes up against (including me.) He makes me laugh out loud multiple times a day and is the best father I've ever seen. So that's my Adam.
He's a PE teacher, which is great because we get extra time together and he gets to touch the lives of kids, but not so great in that he's bored with his job needs a bigger challenge and a corresponding bigger paycheck. He's in talks with a friend's boss about interviewing for a sales job which could mean working from home and a larger salary. (Any salary is a step up from teaching.) So prayers would be great for God's direction, though I'm pretty sure He'll send us where He wants us.

Cole is 2!

In honor of no longer having a baby, here are some things I absolutely love about my toddler :-)
~ He has one freckle behind his ear, and just got 2 on his hand
~ He hides things behind his back, asks you where it went, shows you one empty hand, then shows the hidden toy, all with a big "this is the best trick ever" smile on his face
~ Things' names are their noises- Baa Baa, Neigh, Woo hoo (train), Dub Dub (bird, his version of tweat tweat... I once said, "Cole, say BIRD." And he looked at me and perfectly enunciated "DUB.")
~ As he is falling asleep in the backseat of the car, I ask him if he wants to go take his nap, and he sleepily answers "No." The other day, same scenario, I asked him if he wanted some goldfish and without even opening his eyes, he said "Yeah," then started snoring.

Joys, Fears, Goals and Obsessions

Hi! I'm starting to get a bit more comfy with this whole blogging thing, though I still feel like I'm stalking people when I read their blogs. Anyway, I saw this in another gal's blog and thought it was kind of cool! The challenge is to list 3 joys, fears, goals, and obsessions. I can never do these things lightly, maybe its the English minor in me, sorry for the seriousness, lol. Here goes!
JOYS:
1.) Cute things Cole says/does
2.) Snuggling my hubby
3.) Working in a job helping others
FEARS:
1.)Having Cole stolen away, or put through a situation where he is afraid and I can't comfort him.
2.)Yeah, I can't really think of anything other than that.
3.) Okay, I'm pretty freaked out by snakes and spiders.
GOALS:
1.)Create and maintain a happy, healthy family in a relatively clean house
2.)Become the kind of woman who helps out others, bakes dinners for new moms, does church nursery and bible studies, and throws showers... things other women do all the time!
3.)Get my marriage and family therapy license and someday run a retreat center with Adam combining ropes courses/trust building exercises with counseling.
OBSESSIONS:
1.) I have a new minor obsession with the Imagination Movers that Adam likes to tease me about
2.) Lip balms, glosses, flavored chap sticks, etc.
3.) Games like Sequence, Ticket to Ride, Alaska, if I don't win we're playing another round!

Confectioner Sugar Snow

I've been "hired" to make a cake this week! I put it in quotes because it's still through friends of the family, and I still feel like they're doing me the favor. Kind of like how Cole "helps" rake the leaves by standing with his 4ft plastic rake and babbling. But in any event, I'm getting $ to make a yummy 2 tiered 21st bday cake, and I'm totally anxious about it. The last tiered cake I made got all squished down and lopsided, so this time I'm going to try to use dowels to support it. Also, the very most recent cake I made started falling apart before it made it to its destination. It's also supposed to be a martini glass theme, and I can't draw a good looking martini glass to save my life. (They all look like something out of a geometry or astrology lesson.)
So, I'm a bit nervous. It's not like if I mess up I can just make another one, because between making my own frosting and baking each cake separately, I have to really budget my time. (Cole doesn't like not being paid attention to, either, so I have to do this between the TV babysitter, nap time, and alone time with hubby.) I'm excited by the picture I have of it in my mind, but I'm curious what the real image will be. Plus, the woman is picking it up and I'm so afraid of getting a call, "The ______ fell off the cake/fell over/smushed!" Maybe I will make 2, just in case, and have the girls over for a martini girl's night in...

 

Broken Dreams

I just wanted to share an awesome project that I am blessed enough to be a part of. It's for work, and I love my job, and that's pretty neat. ;-) South Windsor Youth and Family Services and the South Windsor Alliance for Families puts on this program called Broken Dreams at the high school every 2 years for Juniors and Seniors. (Sorry for the run-on, my grammar senses are tingling!) There's a lot involved in it, including kids being pulled from class by an officer who reads an obituary that their parents wrote for them- they represent the kids around the nation killed in drunk driving crashes. They return to class but can't talk for the rest of the day.
A bigger part of Broken Dreams, though, is a video that a select group of kids write and make. Well, we hire a filmmaker so it rocks, but they write the script, act it and plan most of it out themselves. then the other juniors and seniors watch it in an assembly. Usually it involves some high schoolers making bad decisions and the consequences of those decisions. I got to watch the filming of the crash scene a few weeks ago and my goodness, it was amazing! There were professional make up artists who made the kids look all banged up, with glass shards and bones protruding, black and blue marks, and lots and lots of blood. Then the PD actually found some smashed up cars and shut down an entire road in town to set up the "crash." Finally, 3 ambulances, fire trucks, and more police cars were on the scene to film their response to the crash. Sirens, jaws-of-life, gurneys, the works.
Not only did the kids do an incredible job acting, (I was crying at one point until a cop made a joke next to me and I pulled myself together.) I was amazed by how willing all those departments were to make this happen! If we can save one life, either this year during prom/graduation season, or later down the road with one of the kids who sees the video stopping from making a bad decision, then it's so worth it!

Rationalizations of a superior mind

After a relatively healthy and sparse lunch, I decided to reward myself and save $ by making a simple pasta dinner. Since I was still hungry after my first helping, I had a very teeny tiny second helping, mostly because I still had sauce and didn't want to be wasteful. Feeling quite full I went off to help with a project for work, which inevitably ended with pizza for everyone. I had great plans to avoid the pizza, but it turned out I was the one picking it up. Have you ever had 10 fresh-out-of-the-oven pizzas in your car? The aroma invaded my nostrils! I almost stopped on the side of the road to finish one off on my own! Somehow I made it back with all intact and decided since it had been 4 hours since dinner, my body was ready for a refuel, even if it hadn't realized it was hungry yet. 1 pizza slice. That's it. They're so small, anyway. And delicious and cheesy...
This is the worst part. I was there to help with some debriefing and saw that some of the girls there were pretty upset. I wanted to do my job, but didn't want to make them feel awkward by drawing attention to them. Aha, they're sitting next to the pizza! Clever me, I'll make some casual conversation under the guise of getting another piece! Better make it seem real... what's one more piece...
Today I had turkey and cheese plain on a plate and was so proud of myself for saving 'points' by not using bread, that I went ahead and polished off the bag of chips.
There comes a moment when I plan these things where, I think, I realize what I'm doing.

My secret identity

I've discovered that I, much like most super heroes, have a secret identity. It was so secret, in fact, that I'm only now discovering it. Apparently though I am known throughout the school, passing through the doors and out into 'real life' is the equivalent of putting on thick glasses and combing my hair to the side. At school I am Superman, at the park I am Clark. In my office I am Batman, in A.C. Moore I am Bruce. Or, a slightly less exciting version of both.
Is that the school outreach specialist? No, it can't be. She wears dress shirts and heels. This cheeky impostor is wearing a t-shirt and sneakers.
This is how I discovered my secret:
Me: "Shaheen! Hi! How are you?"
Shaheen: squints and stares at me
Me: "We missed you at tutoring today. How's everything?"
Shaheen: still squinting and staring "Hi... Oh, hi Mrs. Murphy!"

Perhaps the real reason is that kids are incredibly self concerned to the point of not paying much attention to anyone 3 or 4 years outside of their age? I like to think it's my stealth. Pow! Zap! Who is that sunglassed woman??

God, grant me patience...

Adam thinks it's the time change, and I'm hoping it's not a sign of a sickness coming, but Lord give me the patience with this little temper tantrum waiting to happen. Cole has not been himself these last couple days, to put it nicely. He's always been frustrated easily, but he's taken to letting out this awful, 20 second yell when, say, his train comes off the track, or Mommy doesn't get his lunch quickly enough. It doesn't help that he doesn't understand logic yet. This morning he was adamant about going to the mall and I couldn't quite convince him that we needed to eat breakfast and get dressed first.

My family is awesome

1.) Adam took such good care of me and Cole last night, and was so loving and thoughtful!
2.) Cole is at such a fun age- he has a great sense of humor and is so much fun to be around! I was laying down watching him play and he came over to me and said, "All done, Mom," and tried to pick me up.
3.) My mom just happened to stop by in the morning, and was a gift from God- she changed a poopy diaper, got Cole all dressed and ready for school, and even cleaned up my kitchen.
4.) My dad left work early to get Cole from daycare, took him shopping, then made me homemade chicken soup, which was about the only thing I was able to eat yesterday.
5.) My in-laws, after hearing that we couldn't afford to go in on a vacation rental this summer, are renting it anyway and inviting us as guests.

Simple Woman's Daybook

Outside my window:
I can hear traffic faintly. I heard birds today while we briefly had it open, though, which was so refreshing!
I am thinking:
about how much I love my house, and the cake I need to make this weekend, and how much I love a good black and white Cary Grant movie.
I am thankful for:
that little boy sleeping safely in his crib, my husband having some fun with his friends after working so hard today, the way God provides for us in every way... I could keep going of course but those are the first to come to mind!
From the kitchen:
pumpkin muffins this morning, reheated homemade pizza tonight, hot cocoa before bed. Mmm!
I am wearing:
pajama time!
I am creating:
a teddy bear cake for a baby shower on Tuesday. I also have a request for a 2 tiered 21st bday cake which I'm a bit nervous about.
I am going:
to bed very soon.
I am hoping:
that my hubby makes it home safe, and is able to get our new door installed tomorrow. (Because right now it's kind of propped up downstairs with big gaping holes around it.)
I am reading:
Quiet Moments with the Savior (I think? I'm too lazy to go read the actual title but I'm pretty sure.) I'm hoping to borrow some Beth Moore books from my grammy next!
Around the house:
Pictures, toys, little boy shoes, Demdaco angels, matchbox cars, baseball hats
A few plans for the rest of the week:
Church tomorrow, visit from the in-laws, a baby shower at Mom to Mom on Tuesday, and another week of taking care of my beautiful family!

Summoned to court?! Please pray!

Well, I've really made it in this world. I've received my first subpoena. Yes, I have been summoned to the Willimantic Superior Court this Friday to testify in a case involving a woman I did supervised visits and parent aide with over a year ago. This is the first time I've seen the consequence of being arrested directed toward me, and let me say that it was a bit intimidating! Not to mention going to court for the first time and all that.
The thing that makes this really interesting is that I prayed for this client quite a bit during and right after our work together. Everything I witnessed and all our talks were positive, and she genuinely seemed like a good mother and a young girl who was getting her life together. The social worker seemed to be against her from the start- who can blame her with the state she found the kids in. This girl was getting her GED, applying for community colleges, had broken up with her boyfriend, and displayed excellent parenting in session. It sounds like I might be the the only one in her corner, so to speak. No pressure, right?? Please pray for me on Friday to say the right things, and for God's will to be done!

Ack! I'm turning into a girl!

I'm still trying to figure out what is happening to me at my old age of 27... just today I suggested seeing Valentine's Day for our girl's night out. That's the kind of movie I roll my eyes at and refuse payment to see! Granted, the really good ones like Shutter Island, Book of Eli, and Wolfman are ones I want to see with Adam, but secretly I'm actually looking forward to watching Bradley Cooper and Topher Grace for 2 hours. Is that wrong? I'm also getting more into window treatments and bought a floor scrub brush the other week. Yikes!

Spring cleaning

I know it's crazy, but I'm just going to pretend like spring is here and hope for the best. I did a little (tiny bit) of spring cleaning last weekend, and I put away most of our winter hats and scarves, and Cole's boots. Denial? Wishful thinking? Perfect timing? :-) I even went coatless today, though Cole was bundled up from head to toe.

Paint on my socks

The bonus room is almost done! Well, the first coat of yellow is up. Now we just have to cut and roll the 2nd coat, do the trim, put in the new door, put in the new doorknobs, paint the new door, then get new carpeting in there. *sigh.* It will be so worth it, though, because now we'll actually want to spend time down there. Both our parents offered to help in huge and wonderful ways, which is awesome too! (The new door and carpet, kinda big ticket items.)

MOPS & POPS

We just got back from a MOPS and POPS dinner! It was so much fun! :-) 2 hours of fun fellowship, Family Feud, and holding Adam's hand. The girl who leads our church's MOPS was in our birthing class with her husband, and gave birth down the hall from us a day after Cole's birth. We actually happened to meet up in our new church, Church of the Living God. What a small world!

Speaking of our new church, we love it. :-) The pastor is wonderful, the messages are thought-provoking, the music is inspiring... the nursery is great... a lot of things to like about it! God is introducing us to a lot of fun new friends through the church, too. Feels like home, I just wish it wasn't so big.

Taxes

Adam is diligently working on our taxes. We're down to only owing a couple hundred and still have the states to do. We had such big hopes of getting a couple thousand back and doing something big, like paying off a small debt, putting insulation in our house, or putting it aside for months that get a bit tight. No such luck. Thanks Mr. Obama :-P

Yes, our house has no insulation. Might come in handy next winter!

I haven't journaled in years

I used to love journaling, and it feels good to do it again. Now that I'm a bit older and wiser, it will be so helpful to get my thoughts out from swirling around in my head and down on "paper" where I can see them clearly. Being a mom can be so confusing, and just trying to be a good wife and a godly woman are very challenging. Adam is my best friend and an excellent listener, but God bless him he just doesn't need to be subjected to all my crazy thoughts and odd wonderings.

Right now one of the biggest things in my life is my spiritual growth. We've been watching a video series in church on the Blessed Life that's all about tithing. I've always had the feeling that God understands how tight money is and would understand that I don't have anything extra after bills and groceries. (And sometimes not even enough for those!) But I've been really challenged by the fact that none of it is mine to begin with, and that He has already blessed me with so much and just the ability to get by and do what I love to do while being home with Cole still. For Him to give me all that He has and for me to not want to give even a small part of that back to take care of His 'wife,' the church, is so wrong of me. I'm also intruiged by the verse that says that we can actually challenge God by tithing to bless us... I'm not sure how much more I can be blessed, but I'd love to see it! (This is after agonizing over the difference between faithfully challenging God in a scripturally based way and giving out of expecting something back, which I don't think God values.)

Another biggie is Cole's move into a "big boy bed." It's really just his crib with a guard rail instead of the front full rail, but it's still a big change! I'm not sure he's old enough to roam free in his room, but it's the only solution to him climbing out of his crib and pack n'play. He's fine if we rock him to sleep, but he's been waking up during the night. We try rocking him back to sleep, but the past few nights he stayed up for at least 3 hours, crying when we tried to leave his room. Now, I want to parent out of love. I don't handle him crying very well. But he needs his sleep, and he needs to be able to sleep through the night. I've heard several comments from other moms that really rubbed me the wrong way. One mom commented that she was always willing to give her kids what they needed, instead of my tactic of letting him cry it out. Another mom said that she gives her daughter more parenting to sleep. I think what bothers me the most of these comments is that I'm letting these women make me second guess my own parenting. They're great moms with wonderful kids, but Cole is his own person and I think I know him pretty well by now. We've gone through a few periods when he had to cry it out in his crib, and he used to sleep like a champ. He needed it to teach him that night time is not play time, and sometimes he just gets too over tired and needs to fall asleep on his own. Letting him cry in his crib for a few minutes was always better than trying to hold him while he squirmed and fussed and tried to act out due to being over tired. What I need now is a game plan with Adam and lots and lots of support and encouragement.